


All's Well That Ends Well

by raesuga



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tsukiyama - Freeform, really sad im so sorry, tsukiyams - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 04:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2608289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raesuga/pseuds/raesuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi believes that he can take care himself, but what happens when everything begins to fall apart one by one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Asleep

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first fanfic and probably the worst fanfic I'll ever write because of how awfully sad it is. So if that's not your cup of tea then I suggest going back and reading something more light and happy. I have the first two chapters written out and I pretty much have the rest of the whole story plotted in my head, so if everything goes according plan then I might actually finish this. :'^)
> 
> ((Also, there are depictions of implied self-harm and sort of dark themes in this chapter. Just a head's up!))

[ “Here comes the doubt to shut the sunlight out I feel the brunt,

And I keep the world away to be asleep throughout the day is all I want.”

-Overdone by Bombay Bicycle Club ]

* * *

 

“Yamaguchi Tadashi!” The teacher had rolled up the packet in his hand and very quickly bopped Yamaguchi’s head with it, succeeding in waking him up. He quickly lifted his head from his desk and immediately began to apologize.

“Ah! I’m sorry sens-”

“Third strike and you’re out.” The teacher said coldly as he walked away from his desk to resume the lesson.

Watching this same occurrence happen for the third day in a row began to annoy Tsukishima. He knows that Yamaguchi hasn’t been sleeping well in the past few weeks for some unknown reason that he hasn’t fessed up yet. Perhaps the reason why this ticked him off was because Yamaguchi would brush him off whenever he’d ask him if everything’s alright. It was always the same response.

_‘I’m fine!’_ or _‘Don’t worry!’_

Tsukishima obviously knew both responses were bullshit, and yet he’d still back down from further prying. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to tell him anything he wasn’t comfortable in sharing, but he couldn’t help not caring and just forgetting that something is really wrong with his best friend. The best he could do right now is to just keep an eye on him. Observing and making valid judgements was his best quality anyway, so he’s been utilizing it extensively.

Since there wasn’t any volleyball practice after school on that day, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked home on their usual route.

“Too bad there wasn’t any practice tonight, huh?” Yamaguchi piped in.

“I guess.” Tsukishima replied while turning to look at the Yamaguchi who wasn’t next to him, but a foot or two behind him. “Yamaguchi.”

He was looking at the pavement with droopy eyes, and the sunlight helped him trace out the dark circles under his eyes, intruding his set of freckles.

“Yes, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi soon realized he was trailing behind and jogged up quickly to meet Tsukishima at his side. This usually wasn’t a problem for Yamaguchi since he was able to adjust to Tsukishima’s pace a long time ago. It’s not that Tsukishima walked fast, but his taking his long legs into account and one could make the statement that he takes big steps sometimes. “Sorry.” He grinned a little from the embarrassment.

Tsukishima didn’t immediately respond, but instead he began to worry if his friend would make it home. Even now in the privacy of his mind he stole a quick glance at him and saw that he was looking at the ground again. Not only was that worrisome, but a hazard—he could easily walk into an oncoming vehicle or a person. “Yamaguchi.”

“Yes?”

“Stop that.” He ordered him to pay more attention to his surroundings, otherwise he could really injure himself.

“Stop what?” Yamaguchi grew just as confused as worried too.

“Don’t look at the pavement you idiot.” Tsukishima stated as he rolled his hand into a loose ball and bopped Yamaguchi’s head gently. “Pay attention.”

“I’m sorry!” Yamaguchi apologized as he clapped his hands together, swearing he wouldn’t do it again. He hadn’t been aware of what he was doing until Tsukishima pointed it out. He was thankful he did, and well, he wasn’t completely numb to his surroundings, but not looking at what’s ahead of you was kind of stupid. He couldn’t help it though. One minute he’s paying attention and cognitively aware of everything and the next minute out on autopilot.

* * *

They parted on different roads like always to get to where they each lived, and Tsukishima was pretty reluctant to keep on walking home by himself. He would rather have had Yamaguchi over now that he thought about it, but the guy looked worn out and besides he would’ve felt like he was forcing him to stay awake just to be with him. **  
**

He pulled out his phone and looked through their text messages briefly. Yamaguchi rarely texted him nowadays. It went from paragraphs of things he would say about whatever to short sentences to finally just one-worded replies. It made their conversations look choppy since he usually only replies in one word too. He admitted to himself that he wasn’t the greatest in words, or making conversation for that matter. Yamaguchi knew how to conversate though, so he let him lead most of their conversations. Conversations at school when he’s face-to-face with him were also skewed a bit from the normal. Sometimes Yamaguchi would talk and talk about a certain subject and then change subjects rapidly to not talking at all and it was all very inconsistent that even Tsukishima didn’t understand what was running through his mind. These sorts of things sometimes gave him a headache that only working on something else would remedy it.

Yamaguchi miraculously arrived home. He was beginning to feel sick from the fatigue and was itching to get to his bedroom. He walked through the front doors, engulfing himself into the silence that enveloped his house.

His mother was gone, working the second the shift at a bread factory, leaving him alone most of the time. She would also grab overtime; avoiding home as much as possible for now was understandable. This was a consistent cycle ever since his father left them a couple weeks ago. At this point, he wasn't sure if he missed him. He thought that things at home would've been better off without him, but he rarely saw his mother now. He thought that he shouldn't be so selfish, but it hit him sometimes that he wished things were like before. That would never be the case though.

Sometimes it would get lonely and boring, with only his video games to quench that same boredom. That scapegoat ended a while ago though, as he eventually grew bored of it . Nowadays he would sleep off his entire afternoons or be with Tsukishima if he insisted in having him over. On the days that he would, Yamaguchi found himself forgetting about the pain that took him prisoner at home. It was an ecstatic feeling, and he wished it happened more often now than ever. However, he couldn't just tell him that. It would sound sort of creepy and he didn't want to cause him trouble just because of something as stupid as this. He supposed that this would suffice for now.

He took in a deep breath and walked upstairs slowly, eventually making it to his bedroom. There wasn't a ray of sunshine that peeked into his room, most likely because he didn't bother to open the blinds in a long while. He found that any sort of light would give him a headache. This was the better alternative. He threw his backpack against his closet door and laid down, face flat, on his bed.

_'This isn't so bad.'_ Yamaguchi's eyes began to weigh down like heavy bricks and soon after he was out like a light.

* * *

Just before Tsukishima was going to called it quits and go to sleep, he checked his phone and noticed that there wasn’t the usual _‘goodnight’_ text that he would always receive from Yamaguchi. He scolded himself at this, because wasn’t today just a day of noticing new things out of the ordinary for him? **  
**

_‘Maybe he’s asleep.’_ Tsukishima pondered wishfully. He hoped Yamaguchi had been asleep after seeing today’s show he put on at school. He wondered if he should at least send him a text, just to make sure.

 

To: Tadashi

\--------------------------------------

hey good night      11:46 pm

\--------------------------------------

 

Tsukishima hit ‘Send’ and set his phone onto the table stand next to his bed to put to charge. Rolling back into his covers, he hoped that for Yamaguchi’s sake that his phone didn’t wake him up.

* * *

 **  
**Yamaguchi gradually began to feel something buzzing right under his right arm. Fluttering his eyes from the daze, he slowly propped himself up from the bed and rubbed his eyes harder than he should have. The headache pounding against his skull was more than enough to encourage him to go stop whatever was buzzing. It wasn't hard to realize that it was phone since it lit up his dark room as bright as daylight. **  
**

He reached over to grab it and then read the text notification. It read: _'hey good night’_. The statement added confusion and wondered why he would send a text message like this so early in the afternoon. But glancing over at the clock, it read something completely different.

“It’s almost midnight…” He managed to whisper in utter shock. But wasn’t it like this all the time? He would come home from school and sleep and wake up at 8 or even 9 pm at most. This was most definitely the first time something like this happened. What worried him the most was the fact that his mother could be coming home any second and see him with his school clothes still on.

Discarding the phone aside, he quickly got himself up on his two feet and grabbed a fresh set of clothes to sleep in; with a towel he found along the way, he scurried down the hall and into the bathroom to take a quick shower. He stripped himself down and just before entering the bathtub he caught glimpse of his body and how ragged and worn down it looked. Raw patches of bruises and combinations of incisions were planted around both arms, crawling up to the bases of his shoulders. His freckled face was intruded with dark circles under his eyes, his natural tan skin color washed away and replaced with a sick yellow tint. That, he thought, would be from the fact that he hadn’t had a bite of food since this morning.

All in all, he was ashamed. He wondered how he’d ended up like this so fast. He knew very well that he needed aid, or to at least let someone know that he isn’t exactly alright. From watching all of those speakers at school in the past and how they stressed to tell someone, he was ashamed that he couldn’t say anything. Well, it wasn’t that he couldn’t, but he just didn’t know how to. Besides, even if he wanted to tell Tsukishima about this, it would add more stress on his plate. He didn’t want him to deal with unwanted problems, and besides, this is something that he could take care of himself. ' _Tsukishima can’t always be there for me, so this is enough.’_ He had decided a long time ago that instead of always relying on Tsukishima for things, he could, for once, try doing something for himself.

He ran the warm water and slipped into the tub, letting the temperature of the water burn his body.

* * *

In the next morning, Tsukishima was able to get up faster than most days. He wasn't a slug or anything, he just wasn't a morning person in general. He sat on the side of his bed and checked his phone for any messages. There were none. He checked the message he sent to Yamaguchi last night and it hadn't notified him that he read it. This odd occurrence and just an awful feeling looming over him prompted him to send another text. **  
**

To: Tadashi

\--------------------------------------

hey                        6:46 am

\--------------------------------------

He didn't see any reason to be worried. For all he knew, he could be busy with something and have no time to be on his phone. However, this didn't stop Yamaguchi from texting him before when he should've been doing other things that were much more important.

_'Stop overthinking.'_ He told himself, tossing the phone to the side. If he kept this up then he might end up being late for school.

* * *

Tsukishima met up with Yamaguchi at their usual meet up spot to walk to school together. Again, he could from his distance that Yamaguchi was already bobbing his head slightly downwards, as if he were to fall asleep while standing. **  
**

“Oi, Yamaguchi!” He called him, causing him to open his eyes widely in a split and look around for him. Rarely did he ever call him out like this, considering they were in public, someone could be watching and thinking about how loud he was being bright and early in the morning. He hadn’t thought about that before raising his voice like that; however it did save his friend from the high possibility of hitting the pavement.

Yamaguchi jogged up to him, meeting him half-way with a small smile. “Hi, Tsukki!”

By the time Yamaguchi caught up to him, he was already out of breath. The prolonged fatigue was really taking a toll on his body. He could’ve only hoped that he didn’t look as bad as he thought he did. “How was your morning?” Yamaguchi asked him.

“Delightful.” Tsukishima’s response sounded sarcastic, but was then followed by, “I actually don’t feel like kicking a cat for once.”

“Tsukki that’s horrible!” Yamaguchi was now wide awake, and he playfully nudged Tsukishima’s side once he saw the smirk growing on his face.

They hadn’t had an exchange like this in a while, and because they had it gave both of them a sense of normality. This, however, didn’t cloud up Tsukishima from the fact that there was still a problem. He decided that he would enjoy this moment a little longer.


	2. Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm really trying to set a firm ground for this story so it can help in the future chapters, so sorry if it's a little boring. u_u The next chapter is where things actually start to change and stuff, so I'm really looking forward to that ngl.  
> Em, eating disorder related stuff in here, nothing too dark in this chapter, just letting you know!

[ “I believe that today is okay to not be okay.”

-I Believe by Christina Perri ]

* * *

Another school week was ending and anyone could tell so just by how jittery the classrooms have become. This was just a universal fact: Students cared less as the week progressed. Tsukishima, however, was able to hold out until friday due to the fact that he actually cared about his studies. He swore that everyone else had the attention span of a fly.

_‘Pathetic.’_

After the final bell, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi made their way to volleyball practice. Stepping outside to walk to the gym made them both grateful that they weren’t practicing outside, not that they would ever do that. Yamaguchi thought about the poor soccer and track teams that had to practice outside in the scorching heat. 

Tsukishima felt sweat droplets begin to form and make their way down his neck, causing him to cringe in disgust. This is why he hated summer. “Disgusting.” He muttered while pulling out a towel from his volleyball bag to wipe himself off.

Yamaguchi looked over at his friend in distress—wiping the back of his neck furiously while trying to stay collected. He laughed softly because of how silly he looked right now.

“Shut up.” Tsukishima caught his laugh and was quick to respond. He finally stopped and left the towel around his neck. He saw that they were almost at the gym and he was secretly thankful for that.

Yamaguchi sped up a little bit to go open the doors for him and with dismay he noticed that he was wearing his Karasuno jacket. This raised questions for him almost immediately and he was wondering how on earth Yamaguchi hadn’t melted yet? “Yama-”

Suddenly a wild Hinata collided with Yamaguchi who was right at the door, causing him to almost trip and fall. “Hey-” Hinata realized this and began to apologize until they all heard Kageyama spewing the most disturbing spells to Hinata—promising that Hinata would wake up underwater one day, and many other socially unacceptable things. This was a his cue to run as far away from here as possible.

Before Tsukishima could tell him anything, Hinata weaved his way around Yamaguchi, making sure not to hit him again, and Tsukishima, disappearing into the distance with Kageyama behind remarkably faster than anyone could have predicted him to.

“What happened?” Yamaguchi asked quietly while Tsukishima walked past him and into the semi-cool, borderline humid gym. The captain approached Tsukishima and Yamaguchi with a dark gloom over his face. Yamaguchi noticed this first and used Tsukishima’s stature to hide from his captain’s gaze. Behind him was a frantic Sugawara.

“Daichi, wait!” Sugawara called as he intervened by stepping in front of Daichi to stop him from his tracks. “You gotta calm down. Remember? They’re just first years, they’ll learn as we go by.”

“What’s going on?” Tsukishima prompted with a tone that made it obvious that he actually wasn't interested in anything that had to do with the selfish king.

“They have to learn, Suga. If they keep this up, they won’t do any good for the team. You know this.” Daichi stopped his tracks, submitting to Sugawara.

“Yes I do, but I think a gentler approach to this would be a better option? Even you can’t be this heartless.” Sugawara said in a caring tone, who Daichi eventually complied and let this go.

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima watched this all unfold and calm down to the point that mostly Yamaguchi was really desperate for some answers. Tsukishima was impressed at how well Suga’s charm worked on their captain. They were both grateful that he didn't take out his wrath upon them.

Sugawara turned around and noticed that these two were still there and apologized. “Sorry you had to see all of that. Everything’s fine now though so let’s get to practice already!”

Somehow the pride that radiated from Sugawara’s words filled the whole gym with motivation. If someone ever needed motivation or just some words to make your day, then Sugawara was your guy. Yamaguchi was especially fond of that quality of his. It was almost like he was eating joy and happiness when he was around him. He was grateful that he was around someone filled with optimism.

* * *

The last hour of practice meant Yamaguchi was just about done. For the rest of the time left, he would sit next to Sugawara and a few others on the sidelines to watch the others play. Sure, he was put on the sidelines because of his abilities not being quite there with the rest of the team, but this gave him an advantage in many things. But his favorite part about it was being able to watch Tsukishima play. He always so focused and sharp on the court that it was no wonder that previous teams that they’ve had matches with had a hard time reading him. His statue definitely helped when it came to blocking too. He always looked so elegant and beautiful in the air,—his heart skipped a beat at that.

 _‘What? Where had that come from?_  ' His temperature was out through the roof suddenly and this wasn’t good.

“Yamaguchi, are you alright?” Sugawara pried next to him, who looked very worried for him.

“Y-yeah. It’s kind of humid in here, don’t you think?” Yamaguchi pointed out the obvious, but the overwhelming embarrassment added with humidity wasn’t a good combination.

“It’s really hot out today, so with all of this practice the gym’s bound to feel a little humid.” Sugawara watched Yamaguchi’s facial features melting though, which really set off an alarm. He looked at what he was wearing and suggested immediately without trying to sound condescending, “Maybe if you take off your jacket, you’ll feel cooler?”

Yamaguchi had already thought about taking off this jacket numerous times during practice but he really couldn’t. He wasn’t going to allow it to happen either. The best course of action was to leave before their practice game ended to further prevent anymore eyes on him. “N-no, it’s fine! I think I’ll go use the restroom to wash off instead. Sorry for causing you concern!” Yamaguchi apologized and excused himself from practice to head down to the restrooms.  

* * *

Pushing through the heavy restroom door, he hurried towards to the closest sink and began to wash his face with the coldest water the faucet would run. He felt like his head was steaming and ready to explode any second. He was sure that this overreaction to one thought was being fueled by the lack of food in his stomach.

Yamaguchi was sure that this had been the first time he thought of Tsukishima as beautiful and his heart hurting from that. Sure, he viewed him as charming and very good-looking because of all of the girls looking at his way, his statue helped because not many people were 6’2”, and he was just everything Yamaguchi looked up to. But this sort of feeling couldn’t be classified as anything more, could it? Underlying feelings for his best friend was out of whack and just stupid, yet he couldn’t understand. But yet again, what did he ever understand? Frustration took hold of his being, he felt like dipping his head into a sink full of water and just drowning in it. He blamed his moodiness yet again on the lack of nutrients.

‘Just how stupid am I?’

Ripping a piece of paper towel, he wiped his face harshly at first, but then remembered he had to go back and have people look at him so changed his course for a more gentle gesture so his face wouldn’t be so scratched up. Tossing the paper to the garbage can, he ran his fingers through his hair, soothing head for the headache that would come upon him any second.

Anyone could arrive any second to check on him if he didn’t leave move it, so he collected himself and walked outside. There wasn’t much left of practice, so he could make it. If by the time he walks into the safety of home and passes out, then that would be okay. Some unneeded work for his mother once she’d get home, but he would be fine.

Sure enough on his way back he ran into Sugawara, whose face was drowning in multiple waves of worry.

 _‘I’m so sorry.’_ Yamaguchi began to apologize in his head and soon after wanted to apologize outloud. The last thing he wanted was for people to begin to worry about him.

“Are you alright now?” Sugawara asked as they both made their way back to gym together.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Thank you.” Yamaguchi insisted with a hint of desperation that he was alright now. He smiled at Sugawara to further back himself up, which worked he would like to think.

“Sorry for being persistent. I think of all of you guys as family since we’re a team and all…” Sugawara trailed on, almost sounding like a mother. He used the example in regards to Hinata and Kageyama’s case. Before it looked like the captain wanted to slaughter them, but Sugawara insisted that Daichi really cares about them. Or how Tanaka really hates Tsukishima yet tolerates him because he cares about him, even if he may not be aware of it. Sugawara stopped talking as soon as he saw Yamaguchi’s mouth almost fall from his face with how wide open it was. “I’m so sorry if that came out as creepy or weird!”

Yamaguchi didn’t see that as weird or creepy, but as something as really important. “N-no! I don’t think that’s strange at all… I see what you’re trying to say, so I understand.” It became really quiet between them before he could thank him properly. “T-thank you, senpai!”

By the time they met up with the others, practice was already finished, and it was time to finally go home. Yamaguchi picked up his things and met up with Tsukishima outside, who, like always, had his headphones in at full blast while waiting for Yamaguchi. As soon as he was by his side, that was Tsukishima’s cue to get on moving.

The two walked home from practice alone as usual. There were many instances in the past where Yamaguchi insisted that they should walk home with the rest of the team together. However, Tsukishima was never a people person, and turned down that offer, to which Yamaguchi respected. He never made it into a big deal, and besides, just walking home with him was just as fun.

Tsukishima was about to ask Yamaguchi about what happened back at practice. One second his mind and body were trained in their practice game and the next second his attention is on Yamaguchi, who was walking away from their match. At that moment in time though, his best guess was that he was going to take a break in the restroom. It was until Sugawara had asked him if Yamaguchi was alright raised concern in him.

Before he could get out any words, a hard hand was placed on his shoulder—the pressure followed by it was strangely weak however. Tsukishima’s eyes trailed off from the hand and found Yamaguchi catching himself from almost collapsing.

“Hey-” Tsukishima caught on his own tongue when Yamaguchi, his hand still plastered onto his shoulder, almost fell again. He reminded him of a drunk man who couldn’t find a way to walk properly. The dark of night didn’t help his case either, for he needed some light to actually see what the hell was wrong with him. He snaked his arm under his arm and sure enough Yamaguchi's weight pressed on it.

 _'Was he going to...?'_ Tsukishima thought, while scanning him as much as possible. They both stood in this position until he heard Yamaguchi speak.

"S-sorry." Yamaguchi managed to pipe out as he let go of his shoulder slowly, as if unsure that he would fall again or not. He had his arms out a little, as if he was trying to balance in the ground.

"Don't be sorry." Tsukishima replied almost immediately. He admitted that he hated when Yamaguchi would be sorry for things that were out of his control. "You weren't okay during practice either. What's wrong?"

'Tsukki noticed?' Yamaguchi grew nervous, and with his weak mind, began to think up of various excuses but couldn't choose one in particular. It was hard to think anymore due the overwhelming fatigue that loomed over him. With his now semi-blurry eyesight, he noticed that Tsukishima would part ways with him soon.

"I-It’s n-nothing, sorry. Just a little headache..." Yamaguchi insisted with a forced smile—even a blind person could of picked it up. For good measure, Yamaguchi knocked on the side of his head gently, indicating that it was no big deal.

Tsukishima hummed in speculation. He was almost positive that Yamaguchi was going to faint  back there. He didn’t pry further into it though, mostly because he wanted Yamaguchi to focus on not falling over. Besides, he would question him later without a doubt.

His pace of walking had now decreased, causing Tsukishima to meet Yamaguchi’s slow pace just in case. The last thing he wanted was for him to get unnecessarily hurt—so he also took hold of his school bag.

“Eh? You don’t have to hold my bag…” Yamaguchi urged as he went to take it back from Tsukishima’s hands, but failed as soon as it was thrown over the shoulder away from him. Now he felt like he was being a pain.

By the time they were at the crossroads, Yamaguchi took a deep breath and looked up from his feet to what was in front. Tsukishima would give him back his school bag, then part ways with him, and he would have to rely on himself to make it back home without passing out on the sidewalk. The thought alone was scary, but he wouldn’t be able to live through the embarrassment of passing out in front of Tsukishima if it came to that.

‘I’m so stupid.’ Yamaguchi thought—this wouldn’t be happening if he would have just ate something like a normal human being. He thought that it would be unhealthy, but not as bad as this. At this rate, he had the urge to throw up at how disgusted he was with himself. To make it worse, he was dragging Tsukishima into this slowly. This was something he never planned on doing—this wasn’t supposed to happen.

Just as he was about to ask for his bag back, Tsukishima spoke. “Oi, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket from the upper arm; this startled Yamaguchi more than it should’ve, but repressed much of it inside to keep cool. There wasn’t anything he should’ve been nervous about right? What was the big deal? He pulled himself together and looked up at Tsukishima. “Come home with me.”

“No.” Yamaguchi replied almost instantly, surprising both himself and Tsukishima. Yamaguchi’s cheeks painted themselves with a light pink shade, and he became grateful that there wasn’t much light to point that out. “I-I mean, I have a lot of homework to do tonight, so-”

“Do it at my house.” Tsukishima didn’t let go of his sleeve—he didn’t want to. His gut feeling told him that something wasn’t right (not just because of this instance either, but the past few weeks) and because his gut feeling was more than always right, he pursuit it. Besides, he wasn’t about to let him walk alone to his house when he couldn’t stand on his own a while ago.

Yamaguchi knew that Tsukishima was a person who always found his way around things. His skills and intelligence didn’t limit him to just volleyball of course. He couldn’t comply, he didn’t want to. Right now he planned on going home and letting himself drown in his dark room, or stay in the restroom for long hours, or something to prevent from not suffocating in the fatigue. He wouldn’t be able to do this at his house though—his state of mind wasn’t stable.

“Tsukki, p-”

“Come on.” Tsukishima insisted with sincerity as he tugged at his sleeve a little in a way to encourage Yamaguchi.

Eventually, he gave in to Tsukishima's pleads, if he himself could even call them that. He labeled it as that because Tsukishima had never been the type to go on about stuff. It wasn't like he didn't care about him—he was just pretty laid back most of the time. Usually when they both went to each other's houses, it was more like it happened automatically than having to ask like this.

Yamaguchi knew he would ask him more once he got him where he wanted him. This would be no easy task though, and with the bit of mind he had left for the day, he prepped himself up.

 


	3. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sobs. Warning: loads of angst up ahead. This chapter actually took me a while to write just because I wanted to get really specific and detailed on a certain part below and I feel like I didn't clarify this enough? I should explain this at the end of the chapter...  
> Anyways, eating disorder depictions and just sadness. Enjoy? >___>

[ “I can feel the darkness coming,

When I’m afraid of myself,

Call my name and I’ll come running,

‘Cause I just need some help.”

-Help by Hurts ]

* * *

When they arrived at Tsukishima’s house,  Yamaguchi sighed in relief—he had made it without completely passing out on his front lawn or something. Entering through the front doors, they were welcomed with total darkness. This was a normal occurrence, because the type of job his parents had required weird hours of the day to go into work scheduled or without notice. Tsukishima had found this as pain, he told Yamaguchi once long ago, but the silence that swallowed his house every afternoon was sometimes needed after long days at school.

He always wondered if Tsukishima got lonely, but he reassured him that this type of loneliness is was welcomed more than less. Having Yamaguchi didn’t impede the silence though, but rather he found it just as peaceful, which is why he never once had a problem with having him over.

There was always something about Tsukishima’s house that granted Yamaguchi overall peace and security as well. But was it the french vanilla aroma that engulfed every square foot of his home? Was it the general atmosphere? He was never able to place a finger on it. Whatever it was, he enjoyed it throughout the countless times he had been there. Keeping Tsukishima company was one of his favorite hobbies.

But this time, it was different. His chest filled with anxious dwellings, and his mind was short-wired with too many thoughts at once. If he were to look into a mirror, there would be no doubt that there was a problem.

If there was one thing that would bring as a surprise to everyone who knew Tsukishima, but haven’t actually been to his house, is that his room was actually pretty messy. Not the messy that would cause a dilemma to arise, but the type of messy that consisted of a couple miscellaneous objects on his nightstand, a stack of unfolded clothes draped on top of his computer chair, a pile of books not neatly stacked against the corner of the room, and just other stuff that could be more organized but has been chosen not to for reasons. He once brought this up to Tsukishima in a sensitive-manner, sort of way, and he revealed that if he changed his room now, he wouldn’t be able to find anything later on, which made sense. He told Yamaguchi that his mother once came into his room to clean it up and he spent weeks trying to figure out where everything was.

“ _It was irritating._ ” Tsukishima confessed while all same trying to stay calm about that whole situation. Yamaguchi felt bad for actually laughing a little at his friend’s dismay back then, and did end up helping him in search for some of the things he lost. Most of his belongings were recovered if he remembered correctly.  

“You can use the shower that’s down the hall, and I’ll just go use the downstairs one.” Tsukishima decided while digging into his closet for a clean shirt and shorts.

“Huh? But I didn’t bring any extra clothes.” Yamaguchi disclosed, and just shortly after finishing his last word, Tsukishima had thrown clothes at him, landing strategically on his head and shoulders. _‘Always one step ahead...’_ Yamaguchi mused in his head yet a slight frown formed on his face. This was probably a bad idea considering the vivid vision he was having of himself face planting the bathtub because of how exhausted he was. But then reviewed that idea, and that maybe this would wake him up and he wouldn’t look as bad as he probably did right now. Putting those two on a balance, surely taking a shower outweighed the other, and so complied silently. He admitted that he felt really bad causing Tsukishima this much trouble, but saved that inside and thanked him in a small voice.

While Tsukishima made his way downstairs, Yamaguchi made his way down the hall to the bathroom. _‘He’s too nice sometimes.’_ Yamaguchi thought, which for the majority of people who knew him at school, would come to as a surprise. Turning the knob and flipping the lights on, he was immediately greeted with his own reflection. There were many issues and concerns about his reflection but he didn’t know where to start. For one, he resembled Casper The Ghost, for his tan skin was as pale as the moon. Two, his dark brown hair was greasy and parted in weird ways—he had thick hair and it was naturally oily but that didn’t excuse the fact that he looked like he got picked up from a dumpster. And three, his eyes were on the verge of resembling signs of irritation.

He had enough of self deprecating in front of the mirror and walked near the bathtub to get it started. He stripped down completely, taking his time to make sure he didn’t irritate any wounds by taking off his shirt to roughly. He just didn’t want to deal with the pain that came after that at his friend’s house, so the more healthier he looked, the better off.

Once he was finished cleaning himself up, he slipped on the clothes Tsukishima offered him. Tsukishima’s white tee suited him loosely along with the shorts. Observing his appearance in the mirror, he remembered that his arms were exposed, and to his luck, brought a sweater that was in his volleyball bag. _‘It’s a little warm out, but I’ll live.’_  He quickly put this on and scurried out into the hall to find Tsukishima.

Tsukishima quickly took a shower and once he got out, he prepared something in kitchen that didn’t require much time, which was good. He had decided to make sandwiches for the both of them, and his goal was to be done by the time Yamaguchi was done showering.

Unfortunately, he didn’t reach his goal, and to add, Yamaguchi had had the guts to unintentionally scare him. _Mildly_ scare him. He refused to believe that he jumped a little, causing Yamaguchi to laugh a little. He refused to spoil the moment—a little reminder that he hadn’t seen him laugh as much as he used to.

They settled in Tsukishima’s room with their food—in front of his TV watching whatever was on when he first turned it on. His parents didn’t mind food in his room, just as long as they didn’t make a big mess, and since neither of them were slobs, then it was okay.

To his surprise, Yamaguchi felt more awake and alive. It was as if most of his fatigue washed down the drain when he showered earlier. However, his stomach had growled embarrassingly loud at the sight of his sandwich, causing him to turn away from Tsukishima’s attention on him.

“You sound like a motor boat.”, was all Tsukishima could say before Yamaguchi hid his face completely from him and everything else.

“S-sorry…” Yamaguchi apologized, beginning to think that he was obnoxious.

“It was a joke. Don’t apologize for something you can’t help.” Tsukishima stated, actually feeling kind of bad for playing that joke. He decided that playing it light would be for the best for right now.

Yamaguchi glanced at Tsukishima and then back at his untouched food. He reluctantly ripped a piece of his sandwich off and ate it. This was something that was up for no debate, and he couldn’t understand why he had such a hard time letting himself eat nowadays. This was something he used to do—this was something everyone did to survive.

He ended up eating half the sandwich, claiming that he was too full to eat anymore. This was partially a lie though; he gradually began to feel like he was eating too much and so stopped. Tsukishima noticed his behavior, and was quick to insist him on finishing the sandwich, but declined each time. He began to feel his eyes burn from the light of the TV, the lights in Tsukishima’s room in all the same time. His eyelids fluttered a bit, as if he were to fall asleep if truth be told.

Tsukishima, who let Yamaguchi have his way, took his empty plate and Yamaguchi’s half-eaten sandwich and stacked them on his nightstand. “You have to eat, you know.” He informed him about all the sorts of nutrients every person needs daily and if someone failed to meet those, then they’d stop growing and have all kinds of diseases later on.

“Yeah, I know…” Yamaguchi yawned and drove his knees against his chest to rest his head down on them for a while. He felt the inevitable headache that always accompanied him just when he's about to fall asleep.

Tsukishima noticed this and decided to turn off the lights, yet kept the TV on since he wasn’t planning on sleeping just yet. He walked over to Yamaguchi, who may or may not have fallen asleep while sitting on the floor, and sat right next to him. He nudged him in a soft yet playful manner.

"Hmmm?" Yamaguchi eyes fluttered open, and when they did, Tsukishima noticed how puffy they were.

"You can take the bed for tonight." Tsukishima offered as he got up once more to also offer his hand to him.

Yamaguchi wanted to protest, but his mind was fried at this point. He took up on his offer, and grabbed hold of his hand. Without much effort on his part, he was heaved up with ease and directed to his bed like a father helping his half-awake son find his way to the bed without collapsing. Tsukishima lifted the thin sheets to let Yamaguchi crawl underneath them, and then took care of the rest on his own.

He dug his head into the soft pillows and curled himself into a little ball with the sheets. His nose was intruded with the smell of Tsukishima, and that alone was enough to calm the headache a bit. This smell offered him a sense of security and ease—that tonight, he might actually be okay. And with that, he gave into sleep's sweet aroma.

On the other hand, Tsukishima flipped through channels, and eventually landed on the news channel. All the stories on this particular news provider presented outrageous "new studies" and weird news headlines that kept him entertained.

He occasionally turned his head to check on Yamaguchi, whose back was turned to him, but nonetheless was sound asleep. The volume on the TV was put on low, and he tried to keep the noise to a minimum when he got up to his closet to gather blankets for himself. The last thing Tsukishima wanted was for Yamaguchi to wake up. He doesn't know when the last time the guy got a good night's rest, so he made sure tonight was a good night.

He set the few blankets and a pillow down on the floor, next to the foot of his bed, and was able to make a "bed" out if it. After a while of fixing and perfecting it, he slipped under it and took his glasses off, placing it near him for easy access just in case he needed to get up during the night. Laying down, he thought his carpeted floor helped cushion his back a bit, making it easy to find a good position to fall asleep in.

* * *

 

There was an overwhelming presence that loomed over Yamaguchi, something that felt strangely familiar but swallowed him in great quantity. His eyes opened to nothingness, almost as if he were in a state of limbo. His chest began to hurt; everytime he inhaled it felt like the ends of thousands of needles pricking his chest. He found his breathing to be limited— _constricted_ , sprouting fear right into his very core. Everything began to hurt and he couldn’t focus on any remedies that could’ve helped his case. He quickly sat up and slowly bent his upper body downwards as the wheezing and coughing increased—he wrapped his arms around himself, as if trying to keep himself from breaking.

There was nothing more frightening than waking up to the sounds of someone drowning. Tsukishima thought it was a dream at first, but soon realized it wasn't, for when he grabbed his glasses he saw Yamaguchi sitting up, hacking and gasping for air.

Suddenly the bed shifted and Yamaguchi was facing his friend, who placed one hand on his shoulder instinctively, a gesture that often comforted Yamaguchi. The hot energy that was being given off Yamaguchi hit Tsukishima instantly, sending off alarms that something was awfully wrong.

"Tsu...kki..." He croaked in a small, shaky voice embedded with fear. "It hurts..."

"What hurts?" Tsukishima asked with urgency.

But Yamaguchi couldn't make out words anymore, and therefore, he slowly wrapped his slim, warm fingers around the wrist of the hand on his shoulder, and directed it to his chest. At the same time, the dark room began to spin when the light headedness creeped up on him. He was losing control of his body and there wasn't anything he could do about it. It scared him.

Tsukishima immediately reacted and responded to his situation as soon as he realized what was going on, knowing exactly what to do. Remaining as calm as possible, he pulled Yamaguchi in and held him against himself.

The sudden contact freaked Yamaguchi out at first—he wanted to run as far away as possible, but from what? Himself? He tried pulling away, but he found himself competing with not only Tsukishima's strong arms, but with himself. It was really comforting but excruciatingly painful. The energy put into trying to break free from his embrace dramatically drained, deciding to give it up altogether. Somehow his arms had coiled themselves under Tsukishima’s arms, grasping the fabric of the back of his shirt. The pressure that was clogging up his throat  was released, following a strangled cry.

The ragged, choppy cries that escaped his mouth were enough to tear Tsukishima’s heart. This wasn’t the first time he heard Yamaguchi cry, but definitely the first time experiencing his friend indulged in a full-blast panic attack. He knew the symptoms all too well only because he’s had a couple himself when he was younger. Of course, he knew how to deal with them while also taking into account that everyone has different remedies. This was his friend’s first time, he guessed, considering the look of distress he was wearing.

“S-sorry…” He barely whispered, coming out muffled because of the fact that his face was dug deeply into Tsukishima's chest. He continued to apologize mindlessly.

“Shhh…” Tsukishima cooed while he ran his hands gently up and down Yamaguchi’s back. Yamaguchi's apologies ceased almost entirely after running a series of circles on his back as well. Spending a couple minutes of instructed inhaling, holding, exhaling, and repeating, he could tell that his breathing was becoming more regulated. This was a good sign. However, his body temperature was over the roof. Tsukishima thought to unzip his sweater for him in order to cool him down—pulling it right off gently to throw off aside.

Yamaguchi only focused on his voice, soft and gentle—words that once again caused an odd, warm sensation in his chest. He felt safe though and because of it, his body began to settle down—reducing him down to a couple trembles travelling up and down his body here and there, and hiccups from the river he had cried out.

Regaining control of most of his body, he felt as if he had just come home from running five miles. Everytime he breathed in too much, he would wince from a different pain in his ribcage. He had exherted and exhausted his chest area for the past who knows how long, and this caused him to reach his limit. Knowing very well that he could fall asleep in this position any second made him want to get up—but he didn't want to.

They remained like this for several minutes, with Yamaguchi's semi-deep breaths to fill in the background. Once he saw that he had indeed calmed down, Tsukishima wondered if Yamaguchi had fallen asleep or not. Just while wondering that, he felt a sudden weight shift against him, following soft snoring. If that didn't confirmed it right away, he didn't know what did.

He glanced at the clock: 3:14 am.

A good twenty minutes had passed by since he had woken up and Yamaguchi was in a deep slumber now. He realized that they probably looked like lovers, causing himself to mentally slap himself in the face. He admitted that he didn't mind this at all, but the position he was in was awkward, and so he carefully shifted and sat against the wall with Yamaguchi still curled up against his chest.

Tsukishima was thankful that Yamaguchi had fallen and remained asleep, his mind off somewhere else that wasn't here. The thoughts of what had just happened jogged in his mind, looking down to check up on him at times, but more so to check if he was breathing properly just in case. This may have well been the reason keeping him awake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so not to get too personal but I struggle with anxiety and being a person that has dealt with panic attacks in the past has made me feel like I didn't explain how it feels to me when it happens well enough in this chapter? I spent hours trying to perfect the description but it felt scrambled and all over the place when I first wrote it, so then I re-wrote...and re-wrote it...to the point where I thought I was going no where and so I gave up on that train wreck. So what I'm trying to say is, I hope my description of that wasn't so horrible to the point where it's not understandable u__u. If I got the message across though, awesome.


	4. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, work and school got in the way x-x. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! uvu  
> Enjoy! ovo

[ “If it can be broke then it can be fixed,

If it can be fused then it can be split,

It’s all under control,

If it can be lost then it can be won,

If it can be touched then it can be turned,

All you need is time.”

-Bloc Party by Pioneers ]

* * *

 

When the morning arrived, Yamaguchi was welcomed with a small headache. He rubbed his eyes and then ran his hands through his bed hair. The warmth that enveloped Yamaguchi was strangely comfortable, and in due time, he realized this was because there was another body under the blankets. There behind him lied Tsukishima, curled up, facing his direction.

Yamaguchi found Tsukishima's sleeping face cute, which planted a smile on his face. He resembled a small child, the innocence painting his being. His blonde hair was parted in weird directions too, which 1-up'd him on the cute scale.

It took him a while to register why he was underneath the sheets with him, and even longer to realize that he wasn't wearing his sweater, thus exposing his beaten up arms.

"Oh god..." Yamaguchi's voice cracked, growing extensively worried by each second that passed.

 _'No, no, no, this is bad. This is-'_ Yamaguchi swallowed hard, refusing to believe he saw them. He didn't remember taking his sweater off though—but then again he couldn't remember a lot of things about last night. He hit himself hard for that.

Carefully, he slipped out of the bed, avoiding waking up Tsukishima, and walked to the restroom. When he flipped the switch on, again the first thing he saw was himself—he wore puffy, red eyes, bed hair that not even the best of combs he possessed could fix, and dry, chapped lips. He felt like crying. He looked like complete garbage.

Closing the door behind him, he sunk to the floor, letting out quiet sobs. He wished the floor underneath him would swallow him whole, disappearing from the pain of everything. _'If I was strong_ , he thought, _none of this would've happened. Poor Tsukki shouldn't have to deal with someone as weak as me, someone who only brings problems after problems...'_

Ever since he had saved him from countless of bullies in the past, he thought that if he stood by his side nothing would harm him. But he was wrong—and the culprit was himself. _‘You’re responsible for your own mistakes.’_ , he recalled his father saying once, the memory pounding in his head. This was brought upon himself, and he should have to fix this by himself. But now it was too late, and he thought that Tsukishima didn’t deserve someone as shitty as him. His father left him, his mother was rarely home anymore, and Tsukishima was the only person left. He was afraid of losing someone over something as stupid as this.

His hands began to rub against his eyes, wiping away the tears rather forcefully. They wouldn't stop falling though, and instead made him feel worse. The urge to hurt himself brewed deep inside him, causing him to stop everything. Why was he thinking of such trivial things if its what put him here in the first place? Frustration caused more tears to fall, and eventually he brought his knees up against his chest to rest his head on top of them, hiding his face from the light fluorescent bathroom lights.

His quiet sobs were suddenly interrupted with a knock to the door.

"Yamaguchi?" Tsukishima called, his voice travelling through the door easily, sounding as if he were right there next to him.

There was no response. Yamaguchi couldn't form any words, not even a simple _'yes?'_ could make its way out.

A moment of silence soon followed, and Yamaguchi thought he had left. Of to where? He wouldn't know. Anywhere than here would've been better for Tsukiyama.

But he heard the doorknob squeak and softly the door itself bumped into him, forcing him to scootch forwards a bit.

If there was anything he felt, anything at all, it would be shame. He wondered what kind of face Tsukishima wore when he saw him in this state? It would remain a mystery, because the last thing he would want to do is to reveal his wet face.

He heard the sound of various drawers opening, the faucet running water, and the movement of miscellaneous items. When it stopped, he suddenly felt a heat source close by.

"Tadashi." Tsukishima called softly, the voice felt so close it might've caused him to jump if he hadn't spoken with such gentleness. The usage of his first name sparked the flash of memories from last night that filled his heart with even more shame. He shouldn't have gotten him involved in something that didn't concern him. But he remembered his cries of help, and they echoed like sick mantras in his mind. If anything, this made him curl further into himself, almost resembling a ball.

Warm, slim fingers were placed upon one of his arms, and with caution, they slowly wrapped around his wrist and uncoiled it from his body. Instinctively, Yamaguchi moved his face into the arm that was still coiled around him, hiding his face well again.

He extended his arm, and he could feel Tsukishima's eyes on his forearm. He knew where this was headed, but there was nothing he could do about it now but let Tsukishima take a better look at them. Again, he wondered what kind of face Tsukishima was making. Was it disgust? Anger? He would never know. He waited for the words that never followed, and

Tsukishima began to dab a wet piece of soft cloth gently against the cuts, earning a repressed, muffled cry.

"I'm sorry..." Yamaguchi began to apologize, his voice cracking in the process. He wanted to pull his arm back so Tsukishima wouldn't have to clean them, but then again he wouldn't do a good job at that. Guilt sprouted and he wished a thousand times to vanish from the face of the earth.

Tsukishima stopped the dabbing, yet continued to hold his forearm out. The silence that ensued for a while was filled with a cap of a bottle falling to the floor.

"This'll sting a bit." Tsukishima warned without letting him know where he stood in this situation. His voice was calm though, which helped Yamaguchi's place.

He peeked a little, watching Tsukishima's blank face until the alcohol met his arm, causing him to flinch in pain. The motions became repetitive, some cuts clashing with the alcohol hurting more than others, but at last became used to it. With one watery eye, he tried to watch Tsukishima until he would have to blink the tears that welled up away. His eyes yelled concentration and caution, however no signs of anything else.

Throwing the cotton ball of alcohol to the side, Tsukishima slowly let go of his arm to grab a roll of bandage. He began at Yamaguchi's forearm and from there worked his way down to the base of his hand to secure it there.

"How does that feel?" Tsukishima asked before he could start working on his other arm. He couldn't have his arm feeling like it's being strangled or something.

The question hung in the air for a while until Yamaguchi piped up in a small voice, "Okay."

The time it took to clean, disinfect, and bandage his other arm didn't take nearly as much time, and before he knew it, Tsukishima was cleaning up and storing away the First Aid Kit back into the drawer.

Meanwhile, Yamaguchi attempted again to rub his eyes again to dry the tears off his cheeks, using the palms of his hands that were now bandaged helped the cause. In the process, Tsukishima knelt down to meet him at eye level and offered him tissues instead, shaky hands quickly taking them.

It seemed that a tears would be welling up in his eye sockets for a while, so he focused on drying up his cheeks and neck. There was an uneasy edge that was there between them, and it unsettled Yamaguchi. It unsettle him because Tsukishima hadn't said anything about it. It was eating him away alive, and he needed to know what he was thinking.

"I-I'm so sorry, Tsukki.", was the first thing Yamaguchi blurted out, sounding wobbly and desperate. He was so afraid of losing Tsukishima, while the guilt ate him alive.

"Stop saying that. You have nothing to be sorry for." Tsukishima replied softly, as he took his one of his hands and held it, looking at their hands like this instead of Yamaguchi's gaze.

Yamaguchi almost said apologized for that, and stopped himself in time. He looked down at their intertwined hands and asked,almost in a whisper, "A-Are you mad at me?"

"No." Tsukishima answered plainly while the pressure in his hand increased slightly. "I'm angry at myself because I couldn't help you." Tsukishima slouched down a bit, pursing his lips a bit, scanning the bandaged arm in his hold.

Yamaguchi felt bad, because he ultimately knew that this was his fault yet again. Almost as if he had been reading his thoughts at that moment, Tsukishima spoke up again. "I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't think it would have been this bad. I underestimated all of this, I should have known..." Tsukishima fell quiet again, running his thumb up and down the back of my hand, quietly asking, "Why didn't you say anything?"

That question hung in the air for a while because it required a good answer. But here was the twist: there was no good answer. But despite battling between good and bad answers, he answered with honesty. "I didn't want you to get involved, because if you did, it would've been just another thing to deal with and-"

"Just another thing to deal with?" Tsukishima repeated, trying to remain calm yet those words raged him.

Yamaguchi tried to be careful with the words he chose to prevent any misunderstandings, but those were already on their way. "Y-yeah, just like...d-doesn't this all seem a bit tiresome t-to be dealing with already?" He asked, taking into account everything that's happened so far. Shouldn't Tsukishima be annoyed at this point with him?

"Stop saying those things." Tsukishima said sternly, letting go of his hand to take hold of his shoulders. He wanted to be very clear: "If you thought that by not telling me about something as serious as this was the right thing to do, that it would save me trouble or something, then you're wrong. Anything that has to do with you concerns me too, so next time just..." Tsukishima squeezed his shoulders lightly, looking at him dead in the eye, "tell me."

Tsukishima removed one of his hands from his shoulder to his cheek to wipe away a stray tear. To Yamaguchi's surprise, he hadn't even realized he was tearing up again. He was too occupied with Tsukishima's words that hadn't quite sunk in yet.

"I don't care the time of day, just make sure to tell me. Promise me, Tadashi." He hated how cliché he was sounding, but he couldn't risk anything this time. Just thinking about the things that could have happened in result of his ignorance could have resulted in- _'Stop.'_ Mentally shaking those horrible thoughts away, he took a deep breath. Tsukishima waited for a word that would seal that promise, flashing determined eyes at Yamaguchi, making sure that he knew just he how serious he was being.

There was a lump in his throat, latching on to the words that he wanted to say. He was in awe at Tsukishima's words because they didn't quite suit him—or it's that he was never so direct with him before. Yamaguchi couldn't understand how he would want to be involved in this mess with him, but he spoke anyway, "I promise."

The weight in the bathroom decreased dramatically right after that, making it easier to breathe. Tsukishima scooted right next to him and waited patiently for him to begin talking. Yamaguchi gathered his thoughts and began to explain his situation currently at home—his father suddenly leaving him and his mother, confessing that the reason for leaving might’ve been due to the fact that he was such an annoyance.

His father wanted Yamaguchi to be something that could never happen over night—to be strong and brave, admitting to him once that he was embarrassed to have such a weak son. To not let him down, he told his father that he would work on himself intensively, but as the days went by, he found it more difficult due to the deprecating comments he would throw at him frequently at home. Test scores were never good enough, his deeds were never good enough; the pessimism began to eat away Yamaguchi’s remaining self-esteem. His mother didn’t approve of this approach, and would sometimes be that shoulder that Yamaguchi needed after one of his father’s derogatory and cynical fits that would sometimes last hours. The things that he would tell him would hurt him badly, and if he showed signs of emotion, he would get it and it wasn’t pretty at all.

There were a couple times where Yamaguchi had to stop and catch his breath, fearing that he wouldn’t be able to talk soon due to how wobbly his voice was becoming. However, Tsukishima noticed this and let him his time, smiling slightly in reassurance. And in due time, he began again.

He said that this all happened in result of seeing his coworkers sons at work one day. His father always knew that Yamaguchi was on the soft side, but seeing just how achieved and confident they looked made him envious. That he returned home from work one night and the air was different because his attitude was more harsh and strict than usual. On that night, listening to his father call him to talk to him about things seemed all too foreign; they didn’t have the strongest bond due to his strict attitude and the rudeness that came with it. He admitted that he was scared of his father, and the events that would occur at home when things got rough still echoed in the walls despite his absence in the household. The noises, the fear, the everything is what kept him up at night. He hated sounding so vulnerable, but he could trust Tsukishima with this much.

“I’m glad that he’s gone, but I’m still afraid that he might come back.” Yamaguchi admitted as he looked down at his bandaged arms, holding them close to his chest as if he were shielding them.

Tsukishima had only met Yamaguchi’s father a couple times, and in those couple times he had came to the conclusion that he was an incurable jerk. He’s noticed the casual, belittling comments he would throw here and there when he would be over at his house, but they traveled over his head, believing that those were merely jokes and not out of sincerity. How could he have not noticed? He mentally slapped himself, regretting not saying anything back—he imagined himself receiving "The Worst Friend Ever" award. He wished he could've gone back in time to those moments to call him out, maybe knock a tooth or two out, and threaten him a bit. He now knew he was thinking merely from the anger brewing inside of him, and realistically couldn't have done that without more problems arising, but he promised himself at the moment that if that moment ever presents itself again, he will do something about it.

He noticed Yamaguchi trembling a little, causing Tsukishima to reach out and set his warm hand upon the nape of his neck gently, grabbing his attention right away. “You’ve got me, so if he comes back then I’ll teach him a thing or two.” 

A smile grew on Yamaguchi’s face from that reckless comment, then gently nudging him in the side playfully. “Thanks, Tsukki.”

Exchanging a couple more moments together, they returned to Tsukishima's cool room—its window blinds leaking sunlight.

Yamaguchi looked at his digital clock, reading: 11:26 am. This came as a surprise to him because of how late in the morning it had become. He wondered if his parents would say anything about this.

Tsukishima began to throw the excess blankets back into his closet, shoving them all rather forcefully. He would fold them neatly on another day, just not now. "Let's go out-" He began his offer to take him out for breakfast but didn't quite finish it due to one particular, annoying, blanket that wouldn't stay in. "-to eat."

Yamaguchi's heart fluttered at that, his face feeling all hot and probably multiple shades of red. But when he finished his sentence, he held his face in shame. Why would he had thought for a split second that he was confessing? He silently suffered in embarrassment.

But he ultimately took up on his offer to go to a café to eat breakfast. It was either that or Tsukishima's poor skills at making breakfast, to which he admitted sourly. Yamaguchi offered to make breakfast but that offer was turned down and instead would have him do on another day.

* * *

Today wasn't as humid as other days, allowing Tsukishima to wear black, fitted skinny jeans along with a white tee that read one of his favorite bands, and his treasured headphones that hung around his neck. A sweet aroma followed Tsukishima even after they left his house, causing Yamaguchi to sneak in a smile.

They had to run to Yamaguchi's house quickly so he could find a clean set of clothes to wear. He made Tsukishima wait outside, and he waved him off while he slipped his headphones on. This indirectly told Yamaguchi to take his time even though he would still go change faster than usual.

Running into his room, he flipped the light switch on (due to blinds still being closed) and found a random shirt and dark jeans. He carefully took off the shirt he had borrowed and his own pants off—folding the shirt neatly to the side, promising to return it as soon as he'd wash it.

Slipping on the navy blue shirt and jeans, he grabbed the mirror that laid against the wall to turn it around. He spun around a couple times and thought he looked okay, except that he looked like a mummy due to the fact this half of both arms were covered with bandages. He contemplated whether he should've even grabbed a sweater to cover it up. If someone should bring it up while they were out there, he wouldn't know what to say. So to save curious eyes from falling on him, he grabbed a sweater just in case.

Just before walking out, he stopped and wondered if she should check on his mom. He rarely saw her, so he thought that that might've been a good idea. But, at this time of the morning, she probably would have still been asleep. Besides today was saturday, so her friday night after work probably consisted of going to the bar. His best bet was to leave a note hanging around so she wouldn't wonder and worry about him.

Tsukishima saw him walk out of the front door and removed his headphones. "Ready?"

"Yeah, lets go." Yamaguchi replied after he locked his door.

They walked to a café that was nearby, immediately taking in the aroma of fresh pancakes and roasted coffee. They entered the line and scanned the menu.

"What do you want?" Tsukishima suddenly questioned, digging his hand down to reach his wallet.

Yamaguchi had quickly caught on to his scheme, his cheeks tinted with a faint pink. "You don't have to. I can pay..." Yamaguchi insisted, grabbing hold of the loose bills and change that danced in his pocket.

When he looked up again, he saw Tsukishima ordering for both of them anyway, causing Yamaguchi to gaze at him with disbelief. He looks down at his shoes and covers his face in embarrassment. Yamaguchi knows that he doesn't treat him to food that often, and should never have to. On the other hand. Tsukishima knows that he doesn't like it when he does this, but he felt like doing it so today.

Once they settled down in a table by the window, Yamaguchi was still beet red. They sat across each other, making matters worse for him. "We're never doing this again." He pouted, looking over Tsukishima's shoulder instead of actually looking at him.

"Oh?" Tsukishima said in an obvious tone that let Yamaguchi know that he was amused. He sipped his iced coffee as he leaned in a bit, his golden eyes fixed on him.

This carried on for a while longer until Yamaguchi gave in—sighing in defeat, he looked at Tsukishima and then down at his food.

"Thanks."

They ate in silence, with only the café music to fill it. That wasn't impeding the good time they were having though, which was always the nice part about their silences. There were times when Yamaguchi would sneak in a glance, looking at Tsukishima eat and drink with such peace. He found himself noticing the blonde curls that peaked out underneath his ears, indicating that his hair was growing out a little. Despite the dark crescents under his eyes, he showed no signs of being tired. The café was the perfect color scheme to bring out all of Tsukishima’s features. At the angle that he was facing, the sun perfectly kissed his light skin, complementing his profile.

Nothing was out of place, which brought upon a small smile on his face. Yamaguchi hadn't exchanged a moment as wonderful and peaceful as this in a while, and he was thankful that this was happening. He took in this little moment and treasured it—without knowing much about what exactly was going on inside him, he knew that this much was important.

‘Thank you, Tsukki.’

 


	5. Zoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit late........only a year late........more notes at the bottom! Enjoy this super fluffy chapter ^-^

[ “Could this be out of line?

To say you’re the only one,

breaking me down like this.

You’re the only one,

I would take a shot on.

Keep me hanging on,

so contagiously.”

-So Contagious by Acceptance ]

* * *

As the weeks passed by, Tsukishima tried to be with Yamaguchi as much as he possibly could. Being around him made him forget about all the bad things. Tsukishima stressed that he should try to work on himself, practice exercises that would hopefully help.

Tsukishima was no therapist or doctor, but he advised him through experience in hopes of it working to some extent. He knew very well that not everything he was prepared to advise him would work, so working to find other routes was always key. 

For example, to help his anxiety he advised him to close his eyes and focus on breathing in a specific pattern: inhale, hold in for a couple of seconds, then exhale slowly. And throughout the weeks, Yamaguchi noted that it did work but it took him a while to get his system to calm down. Through this practice, he hoped to regain control of his body through those horrible episodes.

As for the overwhelming sadness that crept behind him every so often, he suggested to go talk to someone professionally. The idea frightened Yamaguchi and ultimately he refused—besides, his mother didn't have much income to pay for something like that. For the meantime, he would try to be his own doctor by trying to look at the positive things about himself. Such a feat proved to be difficult however, and he would find himself contemplating on giving up—but that was no option. He had to get better, he had to let go of the past and be strong for everyone. The last thing he would want to do is sacrifice Tsukishima's effort helping and his own in vain. 

Things were going pretty good right now, and Yamaguchi couldn't be happier. He had been clean for four weeks now, and if that wasn't a big achievement, he didn't know what was. Tsukishima had noticed this due to his bandage-less arms with only scars as residue from the past. The urge didn't completely disappear, and it would sometimes creep up on him during rough times and sudden mood swings—but he refused and disciplined himself. He wanted to break free from it and not have it become a thing to fall back on when days got bad—he needed to find other ways to cope with everything, and so he did by doing a little bit of research online. The internet offered tons of websites that helped people like him and gave him a lot of other ways to outlet his emotions in positive ways. He would definitely give them all a try. 'Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.'

His health began to skate at a healthier rate than before, resulting in a healthier look. The physical progress was always a good sign, but was just as important as the mental progress. Yes, there were some days where Yamaguchi felt like the world would eat him up, but his good days seemed to outshine the bad ones, and that was important to note.

 

* * *

Sunday came along and Yamaguchi woke up bright and early in the morning. Before his depression ruined his sleeping schedule, he had always been an early bird. And today he was able to get up with ease, eagerness stewing up inside him. That same excitement fueled how fast he showered and got ready.

Today Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had planned to go to the zoo together, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to that. To start of with, Yamaguchi had never been to a zoo before, which surprised and all the more pushed Tsukishima to take him there. Sure, he thought that zoos were lame, considering all the ones he's been to as a kid. At this point, he had become desensitized to zoos, never feeling the same joy he had as a kid. Yamaguchi thought that that was actually really sad, but the way he had said it, with his brand monotone voice, made him giggle a little. 

"You sound so cynical, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi pointed out before poking his arm, "I'll try to make it fun for you." He promised with a smile, his white teeth glittering as much as his dark eyes were.

"Whatever." Tsukishima said under his breath, clicking his tongue as he looked away.

He hadn’t forgotten about that, so he hoped the zoo would be fun for the both of them. Then he realized he had to wait a couple hours for Tsukishima to actually arrive since they both agreed to go at noon now that he recalled it. Deflating a little, he laid on the floor of his room and decided that doodling would be the best thing to do to waste some time.

He noticed his stomach was acting funny, almost like nauseating but in a good sort of way? He first blamed the ramen he ate the night before because he immediately fell asleep right afterwards. But then he thought that it could be because he was going to visit a zoo for the first time. Who wouldn't be excited?

'Tsukki', was the first person that popped into his head, and he looked down and sighed. 

His name kept replaying in his head, resting his chin on his hand, completely ceasing doodling to stare at the blank wall of his room for what could've been many minutes. He really liked the ring of his nickname, which he picked out a long time ago. At first Tsukishima didn't like it at all, stating that it sounded too cutesy—and well he wasn't wrong. Yamaguchi liked cute things though, and the nickname he came up with sounded cute so it worked at the time.

"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi softly said, catching himself smiling as he said it outloud. His stomach was acting weird again, and his heart skipped a bit as he felt his ears pulse with warmth.

'Wait, this...', Yamaguchi clapped his cheeks, feeling as if he was coming into contact with a furnace. This occurrence wasn't so new to him as he would like to admit, but the stomach thing was new if it did have correlation to these feelings. 

Everything he was feeling mirrored the time he had a crush on a girl named Mari back in elementary school. She was really pretty because of her long, golden blonde hair—it was different everyday, but he liked it on the days that it was down in perfect curls. He remembered that she had big green eyes that reminded him of the fields they used to play in during recess. Everything about that girl was perfect until he moved, and eventually got over it.

But surely what he was feeling for Tsukishima wasn't that. Sure, he liked a lot of things about Tsukishima, like his blonde, curly hair that looked really good even when it got messy, his voice, his honey-brown eyes that reflected his sweet personality, his heig-. Putting the brakes to his thoughts, he groaned in frustration, and let his head collapse on to the floor, his arms cocooning his head.

'I just sound creepy now.', Yamaguchi's face now laid face flat against the soft carpet, and he bent his arms back to run his fingers through his hair. He debated for a while that it could just be platonic love, but that card was quickly thrown away when he thought more and more about that definition and what was actually going on. He saved himself from a headache when he decided to drop it all together, coming to the conclusion that he was getting nowhere.

 

Tsukishima finally arrived at his front door and they both left, walking to a bus stop that would take them there. He predicted that it would take them approximately half an hour to arrive there if the bus schedules were on point, but in real life, they were always running late. Tsukishima found that to be an both annoyance and a pain, but fortunately they didn’t have to wait that long for the bus to arrive.

Taking the bus to various places so many times in the past, they sat in their usual seat in the far back. Tsukishima always got the window seat, to which Yamaguchi didn’t mind—he’s gotten so used to this seating arrangement that it felt natural to sit on this side of him. 

The bus was a bit more crowded than Yamaguchi had pictured it to be, causing him to feel a bit small. No matter how many times he went on a crowded bus, he never seemed to get used to it. The seats were quite spread out, but this didn’t stop his heart from beating faster than normal.He averted his gaze downwards towards his shoes, trying to block out the multiple voices that filled the bus.

Unplugging his headphones from his phone, he set them around his neck and dug into his pocket to pull out his earbuds. “Here”,Tsukishima offered his right earbud and they listened to his music the whole time. 

Yamaguchi took the earbud without a second thought and plugged it into his right ear. 

His music was always interesting to listen to because it consisted of so many different genres, he was never able to predict what type of song was next. Genres ranging from alternative, indie, pop, rock, and electro, and then mixes of those genres together creating sub genres—the list never ended. He liked the variety of emotions that came from his songs and could listen to them for hours if he could. 

He felt his heart beginning to beat regularly, his tense body beginning to ease up against the bus seat, slumping down as a result. He mentally thanked Tsukishima, and smiled as he felt himself beginning to close his eyes, focusing in more on the music.

The thirty minutes flew by too fast, and before he knew it they were already at the huge booth that would enable them to enter the zoo. Yamaguchi was in awe at the how big the park looked from there, seemingly endless. Paying and passing through the gates, he couldn’t pinpoint where to start. Tsukishima recommended to follow the flow of the direction everyone else was walking in, which was counterclockwise, and so they did. 

Walking about in forested surroundings, they came upon exhibits of various types of mammals, such as: lemurs, monkeys, giraffes, bears, and lions. Yamaguchi knew what all of these animals looked like from books and pictures, but they looked even more magnificent in real life. He never knew just how tall giraffes could be, or how loud a lion’s roar could be—which did startle him a bit. The bears they had looked just as dangerous as they explained in the school books.

An hour or so of listening in to speakers at exhibits, watching kids mock most of the animals, and hearing hundreds of pictures being taken, Yamaguchi spotted the zoo’s mini train. 

"Tsukki look!" Yamaguchi pointed at the mini maroon train ride. And as soon as Tsukishima noticed it, Yamaguchi sped walked ahead of him to get in line. 

He was basically inclined to go on the ride, and despite the fact that he had been on these trains before so many times, he still agreed to join him. It was alright, he thought, so long as Yamaguchi was having fun, so was he. And there was no doubt about it in his mind that he wasn't. He was amazed at how eager and amazed he was when he encountered not only the animals in the exhibits, but the atmosphere of the place in general. 

They sat in the middle-back carts that only seating two per cart since the mini train in width wasn't that wide to begin with. Yamaguchi slipped in first, following Tsukishima, who fortunately had enough leg room without his knees having to drive up the back of the seat in front of us. 

In this seat, they were basically in shoulder-to-feet contact—the closeness immediately went unnoticed. Yamaguchi tried to scooch away to give Tsukishima more room, but there was absolutely no room to give. He was nervous that Tsukishima was uncomfortable and would then not enjoy the ride. 

“Do you have enough room, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi queried.

"I’m fine. If this were an inch or two smaller then I think I'd have you sitting on my lap though." Tsukishima blurted out the last part as a joke, shuffling a bit to give Yamaguchi more room whilst getting comfortable, completely oblivious as to what he had suggested. The sudden heat that came off from his left caused him to look back at him, Yamaguchi turning away instinctively. Catching on from the red that pierced his ears, a half smile grew on his face, humming in curiousity. 

"Y-You're mean..." Yamaguchi stammered, his words coming out muffled.

“If I were really mean, I’d push you off instead.” Tsukishima stated, looking at his friend who was beet red. He admitted that he was having too much fun, and so he leaned in. “Are you a masochist?”

That earned him a good punch in the arm.

The joke soon died off, but Yamaguchi’s thoughts did not. Somewhere along the years, he had grown a strong bond with Tsukishima—they were always seen together at school, they hung at each others houses a lot, and people labeled it odd when one was not seen with the other. Of course, they had their little fights here and there, but sooner than later mends would be made and all was well. 

But it was a couple of weeks ago that Yamaguchi experienced something different about his friend and he couldn’t connect it with anything negative. At first, the feeling was confusing and he couldn't quite pinpoint where exactly these feelings were coming from. But now, he had a pretty good idea what this was, and thus created an aversion to the obvious fact that somewhere inside of him, he really adored Tsukishima. And Tsukishima bringing up such unneeded comments resurfaced those feelings. 

During the train ride, he had found himself sneaking in glances at Tsukishima and he knew what he was doing at first, but he couldn't stop. Yamaguchi's eyes were at neck height, and at the view he was at, he looked and noticed Tsukishima had one small birthmark on his neck that hid just under his earlobe; contrasted by his light, he deducted that his skin there looked pretty smooth.

‘What am I thinking?’ He mentally slapped himself, removing his eyes from him and back to the wildlife that he should have been observing from the start. Again, he felt his eyes trailing back to Tsukishima’s profile, specifically pinpointing his jawline and how sharp and detailed it presented itself. The more he stared at it, the more he noticed his heart beginning to race. He thought that with the hot weather, he would be reduced to a puddle if he kept this up. 

"God..." Yamaguchi blurted out by accident, averting his gaze away from Tsukishima by doing a 180, looking at the wildlife at his side of the train. "Nature is so cool!" Yamaguchi exclaimed in a voice that could be deemed as a little over exaggerated, but passed.

Looking at this from perspective, there they were riding a little train around a zoo and here he was sitting next to the boy he may or may not have some feelings for yet and he's observing the details on his neck and face that he's never noticed before. 

'Stop being a creep.' Despite knowing that Tsukishima remained completely oblivious to all of this, up to his knowledge anyway, he wanted to vanish. He felt bummed out, almost as if he had just ruined the whole trip for himself all on his own. 

For the rest if the ride, he had turned his body to the other direction, away from Tsukishima. Instead of taking in his surroundings, he found himself staring at ground that was blurry due to the speed the train was going at. One could say he wasn't really looking at anything in particular. 

There was still so much more to do though, and so he fought with himself to remain as if nothing happened, and that he actually paid attention to what the ride had to offer than Tsukishima so he wouldn't end up ruining everything for the both of them.

 

There was a stand being held under a tent right next to the stop where they got off on, peaking Yamaguchi's curiosity. He turned to it and saw that they were selling stuffed animals. One kid held a stuffed monkey up and Yamaguchi thought how adorable it looked. They weren't even big, but enough to hold in your arms comfortably. He really wanted one.

"I'm going to go buy one." Yamaguchi said out loud as he walked towards the stand, catching Tsukishima off guard as he held onto his sleeve to weave through some people.

"You're kidding." Tsukishima said as he looked at what exactly had caught his eyes. Piles of stuffed animals, separated by the type and color. It looked like the beanie baby company had thrown up all over this area of the zoo.

"Don't be mean, they're cute, look!" Yamaguchi said as he noticed one of the piles that had a bunch of stuffed lemurs. They had odd colored ones, such as lavender and yellow, which made absolutely no reason since he was pretty sure there were no lemurs with those colors. As a result, he decided to ask for a grey one. When the person at the stand went to go grab one, he noticed the cute little lions they were selling too, and because it reminded him of Tsukishima, he bought one for him as well. 

He met up with Tsukishima, who had been waiting at the sides to avoid the crowd around the stand. He immediately noticed the two stuffed animals in his hands and did not hesitate to wonder. "Did you like them so much that you bought two?"

Yamaguchi threw a mischievous smile at him and held out the lion, "Yours."

Tsukishima looked down at the stuffed lion first, noticing its beady eyes, finding that bit a little creepy, and then up at Yamaguchi, who was musing, excitement reflecting off his eyes. He wasn't sure if he liked the stuffed lion itself or not, but then again that went for a lot of things. The thought of receiving something from Yamaguchi did make him feel content for some reason though. He took it from Yamaguchi's hands and thanked him. 

'You're too nice.'

 

The visit to the zoo lasted for about another two hours before it got around lunch time. They had been eating snacks and drinking juice since they arrived at the zoo, which didn't make either of them hungry at that moment. 

The time was creeping up to 3:30 pretty fast though, considering Tsukishima had be home at around that time to help his mom clean up the basement. And since his dad wasn't home a lot because of work, he had to help his mom reach for some shelves that were way too high for her. He reluctantly agreed to it this morning, which did sort of bum him out because of the plans he had with Yamaguchi today after the zoo. 'It couldn't be helped.', Tsukishima thought, trying to view this as anything but negatively.

They caught the bus on time and sat down in the same area, Tsukishima's music being plugged into both of their ears was never off-cue. 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath and looked down at the stuffed lemur he held on to, smiling a bit. All in all, he had a pretty good day despite the fact that his feet were killing him. Once he'd get home, he would sit down and work on some homework. That would relax his feet a bit, and besides there was a reading assignment that he had been putting off for a while so he might as well sit down and do it on the free time he'd have tonight.

 

After parting ways with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi opened the front door and found his house to be empty. He guessed that his mother was out with a friend or picked an extra shift at work. This caused him to feel a little sad since he never really saw her that often now more than ever. It wasn't like she had forgotten about him, since there were little notes on the packed lunches she'd leave in the refrigerator in case she wasn't home around lunch and dinner times. But still, this sort of sucked.

He took a deep breath and decided that it wouldn't help to linger on it any longer. Grabbing his lunch, he scurried off into his room and locked it from behind. This was a habit of his that he couldn't get rid of, and it didn't really make sense because no one was home anyways, so who would barge in? No one. But maybe it was the feeling of privacy that gave him comfort?

He hauled his backpack to the foot of his bed, and there on the floor he began to pull out his book and a binder with loose leaf inside to write the write-up after reading. 

The reading took him a while to comprehend due to the variety of times he'd read but not actually understand what was being said. He couldn't focus, and so with that, he took out earbuds and plugged them into his phone. Not that there was much music on his phone to begin with, but the few he had would suffice for now. Listening to instrumental music specifically always worked like a charm, locking his concentration better. 

The writing portion wasn't as difficult—as soon as he had a thesis written up, everything that followed was fluid. He would be lying if he said he hated writing essays, but he was actually pretty good at formulating ideas and plugging them into sentences. Soon, he had just about finished the write-up when he heard his phone vibrate and chime over the music.

From: Tsukki (2)  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
golden rule: never let your basement get horrendously messy 7:48 pm  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
engrave that onto your refrigerator door 7:48 pm  
\--------------------------------------------------------------

Yamaguchi let out a chuckle and began to text back.

To: Tsukki  
\------------------------------------  
i won't :P 7:49 pm  
\----------------------------------------------------  
are you still cleaning it up? 7:49 pm  
\----------------------------------------------------

He found himself staring at the phone screen, longing for a response. His thumb ran over the touch screen, seemingly cleaning away any thumb prints that were bothering him. Then a text came.

From: Tsukki (2)  
\-------------------------------------------  
nah 7:53 pm  
\-------------------------------------------  
we called it a day just now because my mom was too occupied with some stuff she found 7:54 pm  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yamaguchi could only wonder how that must've been like. He was only imagining their own basement and how creepy it was, making it sound like the whole ordeal Tsukishima went through was awful. 

However, he's been in Tsukishima's basement before and it was actually pretty comfy and resembled a nice living room rather than a carpetless, cold basement that smelled like mold. He rarely ever goes down in his own basement, and all the more reason to not after the countless horror movies he's been forced to watch over the years.

Diminishing those thoughts away, he was quick to imagine Tsukishima lifting various, heavy boxes. He imagined Tsukishima getting ripped after a few lifts and he made himself chuckle, as if that thought were realistic to begin with. Tsukishima was slim and did have some shape in his arms, and yes, Yamaguchi had practically nothing in his arms so he shouldn't even be making jokes to begin with.

To: Tsukki  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
at least you'll gain muscles from this lol :-) 7:55 pm  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima was quick to respond to that.

From: Tsukki (2)  
\--------------------------------------------------------------  
are you implying that i have none 7:55 pm  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Yamaguchi could practically see Tsukishima contemplating hardcore about this, causing him to laugh. He shouldn't be so mean, he thought.

To: Tsukki  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
well...you're not the biggest guy out on the court Tsukki :x 7:56 pm  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Tsukki  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
being the tallest cancels that out 7:58 pm  
\-------------------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima was the token tall guy on the team, so he was right. Yamaguchi decided to drop the subject before blowing anymore unneeded blows to his ego.

The conversation went from one subject to another, talking about his grades and how his dad is making sure he keeps up to get into a prestige college. It wasn't out of the blue—they were in their last year so it was to be expected. 

Yamaguchi wasn't all that nervous about his grades, because somehow he had managed to keep them acceptable after everything that's happened. School wasn't too hard for him, it was just the fact of staying awake for the whole day that was really shaking him up. The days that he was borderline sleeping were less often, which was a good sign. 

Pushing his school stuff away with his foot, he slowly laid down onto the carpeted floor on his side, his phone in both hands. His thumbs worked their way to text Tsukishima for what seemed like minutes, when in reality it turned into over an hour.

This was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super overdue, but my life has been super hectic for the past year (and yes I've also gotten lazy. rip.) I had this chapter saved on my laptop and I happened to run into it while browsing through some stuff and I was like "?????". I re-read my story and wow. I should probably continue this! And so I will! And it's an even better time to do so since winter break is coming up for me next week! wooooooooo! I'm also planning out another fanfic too...not of this fandom though. But I should also consider another story for this fandom too after this one is done. I'm thinking 10 chapters will be enough? maybe 12? I'll see as the story goes along!
> 
> Chapter 6 is like...3/4 of the way done. It's been 3/4 of the way done for the longest time. SEE i had this all planned out and then BAM, stopped working on it. Okay I'm done making excuses now haha! Look out for chapter 6..


	6. Connections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter to compensate for the lack of posting new chapters rip ;-;  
> Enjoy!

[ “I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be,  
Right in front of me,  
Talk some sense to me.”  
-I Found by Amber Run ]

* * *

During practice this week, Yamaguchi grew his focus on his serves to improve them. He wanted to master the jump float serve a while ago, but he found that he should first try to get good at the regular serves. Underhand serves didn’t look flashy to him so he crossed that one off, and started with multiple rounds of overhand serves with Sugawara, who had volunteered to help him during their practices.

When he first tried them out, the ball didn’t travel as far across the court as he would have liked. In fact, it didn’t even reach the net and instead rolled under it. Plus, his hand really hurt from that serve, causing him to believe that he may have hit it wrong. Sugawara noted this and told him that overhand serves consist of hitting the ball with the palm rather than with fingers, as it would result in pain. 

“Slant your hand upwards a little when you hit the ball. That’ll help the ball travel over the net!” Sugawara explained, handing another ball to Yamaguchi with eagerness. 

Placing the ball out in front of him with his non dominant hand, he brought his serving arm back next to his head and tossed the ball upwards. He tracked and timed the ball throughout the whole split second and was able to feel the ball come into contact with his palm and hitting the top of the net, travelling over to the other side.

“There you go! Just like that!” Sugawara cheered as he grabbed another ball that came rolling from the other guys across the gym. 

“Are you sure? It was kind of short…” Yamaguchi stated with disappointment, believing that that serve was really lame. He thought that with all the strength he put in that serve plus the tips he had received from Sugawara, that he could have matched a good serve like all the other guys on the court.

“And that’s okay! Let serves are actually kind of dangerous for the other team just because of the nature of them. They aren't really expected and can come as a surprise to the front.” He lectured, surprising Yamaguchi when he said that this could actually serve as a weapon during matches. 

This could be a risk to their team though because it wasn’t like he was too reliable on this. What if he served the ball and it was too short and fell on their side of the court? That would be a free point to the receiving team and would cause everyone to not trust him with serving ever again. Okay that was a bit of an exaggeration, he thought, but he wanted his team members to feel at ease and trust him when it came to his turn in serving. And if Sugawara wanted this to be just one of Karasuno’s many secret weapons, then he would have to work on it until he knew for sure that he was comfortable with it. Then, he would try to practice many different other types of serves that could get the ball anywhere on the court. After all, the opposing team would surely catch on to his small serves and thus making the front all the more prepared for the ball. His dream was to be equipped with different kinds of serves so that when Karasuno did need him on the team, he would bring a surprise each time.

Once more, he brought another ball out in front of him, drew his right arm back by his head, and struck the ball. 

 

The warm summer breeze embraced them that night, as Tsukishima and Yamaguchi took their own path home. The temperature was just right, not too hot and not too cold, and this was definitely more pleasant than the scorching waves of heat that have been flooding the area this whole week.

Yamaguchi loved it all too much. He wasn’t the summer-type of guy, and definitely not a winter-type guy, but the happy medium between those two: autumn. There was something about wearing all kinds of sweaters with different designs on them that made him feel nice and snug. It was the kind of weather that induced pumpkin spice, hot cocoa, sweets in the air, to which he fell dearly in love with. It would almost be that time of the year yet, roughly a month and a half to go, and he couldn’t wait.

He recalled one year making pumpkin pie with Tsukishima and it turned out somewhat alright if it weren’t for Tsukishima pointing out specifics. He was horrible at cooking and that whole ordeal in general, but he was really good at observing and reading directions, to which Yamaguchi lacks in. Yamaguchi, however, had the magical culinary touch to stir correctly and had the eye to tell when something that requires cooking looks done. 

Due to the excitement, and to the fact that he had really been craving pumpkin pie for the longest time, the pie was rushed and its taste wasn’t as good as Yamaguchi thought it would be. He knew very well that the pie had more potential. But this had sufficed. The important thing was in the end, it turned out okay. Better than expected, to Tsukishima’s mother’s surprise. She scolded Tsukishima, thinking that he made him do all the work. However, Yamaguchi gave him just as much credit, explaining that Tsukishima has an eagle’s eye when catching mistakes. 

“No wonder you’re always so picky, Kei!” His mother stated with a grin, leaning her side against the counter. “He has an eye for things sometimes, I even joke about it with your father that you don’t need glasses if you’re that good!” 

“Those two things don’t even relate to one another.” Tsukishima stated with a gloomy tone, drowning in his mother’s holler of a laugh. 

Yamaguchi treasured those moments because they always made him chuckle, despite the visible embarrassment Tsukishima’s face would display every time his mother or father opened their mouths. Therefore, to this day Tsukishima gets a little reluctant every time he has Yamaguchi over at the same time they’re over. Yamaguchi has reassured him many times that he thought that his parents were funny and cool and there was nothing that they could say that would change anything. 

In fact, Tsukishima insisted that they should hang out tonight but specifically not at his home because they were having relatives over. Yamaguchi questioned whether he should really be ditching them, but Tsukishima explained that they would be over for the whole weekend so there would be plenty of time to see them then. He found this reckless on his part, but he found that he shouldn't pry into it any further. Tsukishima had his reasons, therefore he respected them. 

Still, Yamaguchi felt bad for allowing him to stay the night, wondering if his parents were going to be peeved off at Tsukishima for doing this. No matter how many times Tsukishima said it was fine or that his parents didn’t really care, he couldn’t help but worry. 

Besides, he took into account that they’ve been staying at each other’s homes for at least once a week now. ‘Wasn’t this eventually going to get questioned?’ And he didn’t speak in behalf of his mother because she seemed fine with it, but for Tsukishima’s parents he could not vouch. This was underlying fear of his, that they would begin to suspect out-of-proportion ideas and then not allow Tsukishima near him again. Yamaguchi has known his parents for quite some time now, but again, his mind wouldn’t let him rest. He hated pulling ideas like these out of the blue because he really did like his parents, but the fear of not knowing what they could do to Tsukishima as a result of all of this could really hurt the both of them.

He had the urge to cancel tonight’s plans. If being around him too much would get him into trouble, then he wanted to avoid that from happening by keeping some distance. ‘But then what would Tsukishima say?’ He didn’t want Tsukishima to misunderstand him either, but he didn’t know how he would explain this if he were to ever bring the topic up.

Would he really need to explain himself anyway? ‘That would be mean.’ His superego flared, keeping him in place while tearing against such selfish thoughts. All of this was beginning to give him a headache, to which he reached one hand up to rub his temple.

 

There was a stray can out in front of them that he noticed on the sidewalk, and as they walked up closer to it, Yamaguchi wanted to pick it up. ‘Honestly, can’t people throw stuff away?’ He huffed once he got close to it to pick it up, but instead it was kicked farther away from him by Tsukishima, losing track of where it went in the dark. This startled him because of how close his foot was, causing him to jump away.

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi puffed his cheeks in irritation when he saw Tsukishima beginning to snort, holding back an obvious laugh. This plucked a nerve in him, astounded yet again at what makes this guy laugh. He knew he was merely joking, and had no intentions of really hurting him, therefore cooling down fast. “You’re not funny.” He sighed, adjusting his volleyball bag over his shoulder to secure that it wouldn’t slip down the curve of his shoulder. He looked down the sidewalk and found no signs of the darn can, labeling it as a lost cause at this point.

“I’m hilarious.” Tsukishima corrected, a self-satisfied smirk growing on his face.

“Uh-huh.”

“Thanks for acknowledging it.”

“You’re so welcome.”

Segments of sarcasm-embedded comments were spewed between the two until one of them cracked a smile, and in this case it was Yamaguchi.

"See."

"Oh whatever." Yamaguchi rolled his eyes in defeat, but his smile ever so lasting. 

“Hey, laughter is good for the soul.” Tsukishima stated with pride intertwined in his words. It caught his friend off guard, considering he never says things like that. Yamaguchi had every right to be surprised, and more or less, this was his original intention. 

“That was too poetic, even for your likes Tsukki…”

Whatever Tadashi had been tormenting himself about moments before, he could tell that it was long gone now and Tsukishima was happy and hoped he was happy as well.

 

"You're cheating!" Tsukishima exclaimed after losing for the fourth time in a row at Mario Kart, taking 12th place in the Star Cup. At first he blamed the motion controls because of how "inaccurate" they were being, then blamed both the character and the kart he’d choose, next the game itself, and finally, Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi snorted first, causing Tsukishima's glare to pierce right through him like a bullet. That barely fazed him, and instead made it all the more hilarious, causing him to unleash the laughter that had been stirring inside him for quite some time. He would have thought that losing to a game like this wouldn’t have stirred his friend, but boy, was he wrong. How long have they been playing this game now? He thought it couldn’t have even been thirty minutes in and Tsukishima was already seething.

Tsukishima watched his friend fall slave to this laugh spell that felt like lasted an eternity. He felt his face warm up from the embarrassment and irritation and set his controller down rather harshly. "What's so funny?!" He asked defensively—he wasn’t used to losing at a game this poorly. It seemed so foreign and annoying all at the same time that if Yamaguchi wasn’t to answer soon, Tsukiyama would gently shove a pillow on his face.

Hearing him ask this only caused him to double over from laughing harder.

"You really suck at this!" 

In the midst of his laughter spell, Yamaguchi felt his controller being snatched away, which caught him off guard. "Wha-" He looked up at Tsukishima, who wasn't having any of it. Before he could ask what he was doing, he shifted his attention to his TV. Tsukishima quickly changed the settings to "Single Player", and then selected his character and the cup of his choice.

"I can't believe this." Yamaguchi peeped out with a hoarse voice, and then snorted.

"Shut it." Tsukishima said in a snippy tone, scooching himself almost onto Yamaguchi so he was completely in front of the TV. 

Yamaguchi didn't bother sitting up, and instead watched Tsukishima play sideways. Everytime he was hit by a shell, he could hear Tsukishima fuming with irritation. There was a moment where he was in a good spot, third place, but that glory ended quickly when a blue shell hit the players in front of him, the ring of the explosion hitting him too.

"Are you fucking serious?!" Tsukishima asked in disbelief, whispering the last part as he dropped his controller, enabling the others pass him.

"Hurry," He jeered, "you're going to lose." Not long after that, the chime sounded, signaling the end of the race. The "You Lose!" letters faded in, each letter bouncing up slightly as if it were mocking him.

Yamaguchi drew his forearm back onto his mouth to muffle the obvious laugh that escaped his mouth. 

Tsukishima's eyes darted back to the rolled up form next to him, glaring at him with golden eyes that meant trouble. But no matter how hard he tried to stay mad at the game, the fact that he was being laughed at made his ears pulse with heat.

 

"Ha-ha, hilarious." He sarcastically said in response to Yamaguchi, who probably couldn't hear him. He gritted his teeth, his jaw growing tighter the longer he stared at the screen. He crossed his arms and deemed the game "annoying" and "not worth the time" bitterly. 

It took Yamaguchi several minutes to regain composure—he propped himself up cautiously, since Tsukishima had been silent for a quite a while now. A part of him felt bad for laughing at his dismay, so he decided they'd do something else to cheer him up.

"Let's build a fort!" Yamaguchi suggested as he stood up off the bed. He began to walk past him to grab some extra blankets he had outside of his room.

The sudden change of events and idea intrigued him more rather than surprised him. An unusual smile crawled onto his face as his mind was blessed with a malicious idea. 'A fort, huh?'

"Good idea." Tsukishima's hand crawled behind him, reaching out for any pillow in his circumference. As soon as his fingers were able to grasp a pillow, he pinpointed Yamaguchi and hit him square in the back.

"Oof!" Yamaguchi stumbled a bit forward from the blow. He looked behind him to find a smirking Tsukishima, pleased at his aim. Reviewing the way he had treated him in the last several minutes, he probably deserved that. "Nice one." He congratulated him sarcastically while bending down to grab the disheveled pillow at his feet—he tossed it back onto his bed, landing next to Tsukishima. 

"Thank you." Tsukishima smugly said as he went another go at it, this time hitting his chest.

Yamaguchi barely caught this one coming, and was able to shield his face using his arms. "Okay, okay!" This time, he knew the game he wanted to play and Yamaguchi wasn’t too sure whether he wanted to play it. Instead of committing the same mistake twice, he left the pillow on the floor as a way of surrendering. 

He resumed to grabbing blankets from the closet that was in the hallway, leaving Tsukishima in his room. Flipping the lights on, he opened the door and bent down to grab a pile of various blankets, ranging in thickness and size. ‘The more, the merrier.’ Piling most of them onto his arms, he stood up and closed the door with his foot, and entered the room again.

“Alright, here's-”

A pillow was blown against his head, and being unable to duck due to the lack of visibility, he simply let the blankets fall onto his feet as response. He discovered that Tsukishima had been waiting next to the door for him to step back into the room to deliver the attack. With the same pillow, he began to walk towards him with a smirk that let him know that this wasn’t going to end anytime soon.

“Tsukki hold on...” Yamaguchi began to back away a little too fast, his arms out in front of him, causing Tsukishima to come at him faster to administer countless of hits at his torso. 

Yamaguchi ran out of space to run for and was sandwiched between the wall and Tsukishima’s consistent shots. “This is unfair!” He complained as he sunk down against the wall while in a defensive position, protecting his face just in case. 

He heard Tsukishima laugh in response, “You’re right.” He paused the raid and handed him down a stray pillow. 

Yamaguchi cautiously peeked through the arms wrapped around his head, and quickly grabbed the pillow he had been given. It would only serve as shield, he thought, since he wouldn’t think he was going to land a blow at Tsukishima against his rate of blows.

There was a point where Yamaguchi had ended up sprawled on the floor with his pillow on his face, with Tsukishima crawling on top of him. When he felt his pillow being pried at, he began to chuckle and this soon turned to a battle of strength. 

“You win!" Yamaguchi repeated over and over as an attempt for him to stop. He knew Tsukishima was in it to win due to the fact that his torso was being lifted off the floor just slightly from the prying hands attempting to take away the only thing that was protecting him.

His best and worst move was the fact that Yamaguchi had given up and let go of his pillow. Tsukishima tumbled backwards along with his pillow, his glasses becoming disheveled from it.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Yamaguchi reached over to help him up until he was tugged down forcefully by the arm and tackled until he was underneath Tsukishima once more. Oh what a grave mistake he had made.

"Sympathizing with the enemy will get you nowhere." Tsukishima said in a low voice as he held his dominant hand dangerously close to his abdomen. "Any last words?"

Yamaguchi swallowed hard at that. He was positive as to where this was headed, and while he should have been preparing himself and trying to escape, instead he found himself staring at endless pools of honey-filled eyes. Eyes that told him he was determine to do his worst in regards to tickling him, yet he somehow found himself in a trance of how beautiful they looked this way. 

'I'm doing it again!' He caught himself in cognitive dissonance, an endless turmoil in his head that seemed to have no end. Tsukishima was his best friend, and would be nothing more, yet here he was with his lame thoughts again. In the situation that they were in, completely innocent and no intentions of it being anything more than playing around, he felt ashamed. The fact that Tsukishima is completely unnotified of these feelings and thoughts Yamaguchi has makes him even more sick to his stomach. He wished his floor was made out of quicksand so that it would've ate him right then and there.

“Hey, Tadashi…” Tsukishima lowered his voice, causing Yamaguchi to glance up at his eyes right away. The change in his tone threw him off guard, considering not long ago his voice only contained enjoyment and pleasure from the pillow fighting.

“H-huh?” Was the only thing he managed to spill out from his mouth before Tsukishima used this moment of vulnerability to his advantage.

Tsukishima's hand began to play with Yamaguchi’s abdomen, causing him to laugh almost immediately. His body began to contort and squirm around, but luckily for Tsukishima, his legs and body weight were able to keep him down and contained. 

“N-no!” He cried out in mid-laughter, as his hands instinctively tried to shove Tsukishima’s hands away from his abdomen. However, his attempts were useless, because Tsukishima was able to pull his arms down to his sides and hold them there with the strength of his thighs. This move created a huge disadvantage for Yamaguchi, for he was now completely exposed. 

Yamaguchi's laughter increased as he felt fingers jab at his sides. This new place being tampered with caused Yamaguchi to twist and squeal rather than laugh. He became squirrelly and wanted to roll onto his stomach to cease the tickling, but at this rate, he was losing strength.

"A-ah stop, please!" Yamaguchi pleaded, as his laughter turned into fits of coughing and then soon laughter again. He kicked the air, wanting to slip through Tsukishima's grip. 

Tsukishima found this to be entertaining, and thought he would continue this for a while more. Yes, he was a little evil, but he wasn't going to keep this up forever (as much as he’d like to). Seeing Yamaguchi laugh was a little too addicting for his tastes.

The nerves and muscles in Yamaguchi's stomach began to feel exhausted, replacing the unbearable with pain. He was able to slip one of his hands out from Tsukishima’s strong thigh hold, and began to pry off Tsukishima's hands, desperately wanting it to end. "Tsu-tsukki! Please, it hurts!" 

Tsukishima found it in his heart to end his tickling parade on Yamaguchi, as he was already satisfied. As a result, Yamaguchi was left a panting mess—he turned his head to the side and placed his arm onto his eyes to block out everything and focus on getting his breathing back to normal. 

Minutes passed and Yamaguchi remained in that position. That show costed him all of his strength, but the thought of revenge kept him encouraged to do it all back to Tsukishima. However, he thought about all the times he had attempted to do so, and well, they never really worked. Either Tsukishima was too fast and caught him before he was able to do anything to him, or Yamaguchi’s strength compared to Tsukishima’s was unbeatable. But even so, he wanted to see if this time, he could get him.

“Ah...man.” Yamaguchi croaked, making sure that the tone of his voice exaggerated the actual minimal pain.

“Hey, are you alright?” Tsukishima nudged him on the shoulder gently, wondering if he had actually done a number on him, which was never his intention to begin with. He reached out to remove his arm away so that he could see his eyes, but he would be lying if he were to say that he saw that coming. 

Yamaguchi was able to pull down his arm so that his entire body would collapse right next to him. He didn’t plan for that to actually happen, but it was just that he caught Tsukishima off guard, which was rare. His strength was timed, and so he took advantage of that by propping himself up quickly to do what he had to do.

His fingers reached out to Tsukishima’s abdomen quickly, but Tsukishima’s hands were quicker to catch that move. He grabbed Yamaguchi by the wrist, and held it in the air, away from his body, ever so easily. The fact that Yamaguchi was indeed tired from the whole ordeal from before, didn’t help him one bit.

“Oh, come on!” Yamaguchi laughed as he continued at his attempts to tickle him. A smile began to grow on his face, mainly not because of the fact that he couldn’t best his friend, but because there was still some intent to continue this. 

Tsukishima watched his friend from below, wondering how he had let his guard down like that so quickly and easily like that. He thought that maybe because they had been friends for the longest time, that he had grown vulnerable around him. And it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing either; Yamaguchi had no intentions to harm him. He was a guy that he could trust, and they’ve been through their fair shares of disputes. In fact, there were many times he had shown vulnerability around him. However, he didn’t think it suited him, but today, he was okay with this.

“Truce?” Tsukishima called out, causing the playfulness to cease right then and there. 

‘Tsukki? Calling for truces?’, Yamaguchi thought in disbelief. This behavior wasn’t like him at all. Usually, Tsukishima would always try to win, no matter what it took. But for him to call it even was beyond him. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” Tsukishima nodded as he propped himself up. He stared at a puzzled Yamaguchi, wondering if he himself had done something. He couldn’t quite compute why or how this could have happened, but to watch him run through these emotions amused Tsukishima.

“Are you...okay?” Yamaguchi leaned in to ask, while inspecting his face very thoroughly. His furrowed brows and slightly pouted lips caused Tsukishima to let out a small chuckle. 

“Of course I am.” He responded with a slight smirk on his face. He thought that he couldn’t be happier being like this with him. It makes him forget all of his troubles when they have their moments after volleyball practice. Although he would never admit this out loud, but he felt extremely grateful to have these moments with none other than Tadashi. If it were with anyone else, it just wouldn’t be the same. 

Tsukishima traced his eyes from Yamaguchi to the pillows and blankets scattered on the floor. “Do you want to make that fort now?”

“Oh right!” He would be lying if he had said that he remembered about the fort. He looked back at the mess they had made due to the tickling fight, and so he quickly got up from the floor to do what was originally in the plans. 

However, before starting anything with the fort, he held his hand out right in front of Tsukishima’s face. He looked at his hand and back up to his friend’s glowing face. He had forgotten how much Tadashi loved to build forts, and he also knew that if he kept him waiting, it would only be mean. He accepted his hand, and was propped up to his feet.

 

It approximately took them about twenty minutes to turn Yamaguchi’s bedroom into a large fort. It stretched from the door handle to the end of his bed, and due to all that empty space being used for nothing, now it was something. This didn’t seem like a difficult feat for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima either, since all of the blankets came together nicely in order to create one of the best forts in his book. 

He also wasn’t worried about someone potentially walking into his room and ruining his fort. Really the only people that lived inside his home was his mother and himself. His mom never barged into his room for starters, and she wasn’t even at home as far as any of them knew at the time. So all was looking up for how long this fort would last. 

They both sat underneath it, near the foot of Yamaguchi’s bed. Their pillows and blankets and snacks were all prepped and ready because both of them had no intentions of leaving it. Instead of leaving the lights on, they were off. Their source for light now came from Yamaguchi’s lantern, which lit up the fort with just the right amount of light. 

The atmosphere for the both of them became soothing, almost acting as an instant stress-reliever. The nostalgic air filled mostly Yamaguchi with happiness, remembering just how long it’s been since their last fort. No other moment would win over as his favorite as this one. 

He looked over at Tsukishima, whose attention was at the lantern. His honey-glazed eyes reflected the light in a way that grabbed Yamaguchi’s attention further. He was sure that if his glasses were off, he’d be able to see just how cool the light made his eyes look. However, he always thought his eyes were something else. In certain lights, his eyes would match the color of his hair, and it was a phenomenon that he appreciated. Compared to his own eyes, which he thought had no spectacular magic to them, Tsukki’s eyes were cool. 

He then began to appreciate other great features that his friend had, like his blond, short hair that always seemed to sit perfectly, even after their massive pillow fight. The light made his jaw line prominent, making Tsukishima appear older than he really was. His eyes then trailed up to his light-pink lips, which were slightly pouted. A feeling in his chest emerged by the sound of his heart beating faster.

Yamaguchi was aware that those same feelings were digging their way back up to the surface. Or did they even have to dig? Where exactly did Yamaguchi place these thoughts about Tsukishima anyway? He would never know. The only thing he knew certain was that his heart beated like this because of him.

Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi, who had still been looking at him with awe. He could’ve sworn that there even stars embedded in his chocolate swirled eyes. A moment later and Yamaguchi might as well have took the shape of a beet, because when he realized that his friend was no longer gazing at his lantern, his face and ears were painted with a glowing red.

“Tsu-Tsukki! Sorry!” Yamaguchi cried as he quickly turned his body away from his friend to drown in embarrassment. 

“Sorry?” Tsukishima was slightly confused, all on top of being worried for Yamaguchi due to the way he was acting today. However, even from where he was sitting, which was actually somewhat close to his friend, he could tell how red his ears had gotten. 

The tone of his friend’s voice gave him a signal, that maybe, he didn’t catch him staring at him like creep. He could get away with it again yet today. How awful, this way of living—the guilt spread but the ease also followed. Yamaguchi saw it better this way maybe because he was scared of change. Suppose Tsukishima finds out, but then what? What would come after that? He didn’t want to know. 

Tsukishima spoke again, ceasing all trains of thoughts within Yamaguchi’s head. “You’re sure uptight underneath this fort right now. What happened to the excited, happy-Tadashi earlier?” Tsukishima pointed out, catching Yamaguchi off guard a bit due to his straight-forwardness. 

He didn’t really know how to respond. He couldn’t tell him why his mood changed so suddenly, so he just sat there, hoping he’d come up with a different answer soon. But nothing, his mind couldn’t come up with a reasonable explanation other than what really was going on. So much thinking for something that was so simple but this was what he felt like was his purpose in life: To overthink everything so much to the point where you feel your head pounding. 

A warm hand touched the middle of Yamaguchi’s back, causing his back to curve away from the sudden touch. Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima, who had moved closer to him earlier without realizing it, which was why the sudden touch had startled him a bit.

The gesture turned comfortable, causing him to feel waves of ease wash in. Tsukishima never spoke afterwards, as if he was giving Yamaguchi space in that aspect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may come to a surprise to some, but this chapter was late. I KNOW, shocker! 
> 
> Ahem, anyways, I'm done with school for now! Which means more free time for writing!!! Yay :D Updates should come much more frequently, and I will stop myself there before I jinx myself.. 
> 
> Side note: I missed writing about these two.. But I'm excited to jump right back in at it. I have another fanfic in mind with another ship I absolutely adore from this show. ;)


End file.
